You don’t have to be a Trill to discover your inner alien!
A Kazon of the Delta Quadrant, a Vorta of the Gamma Quadrant or the take-it-or-leave it approach to foreheads adopted by those closer-to-home Klingons? It’s what you’ve been waiting for… Find out which of Star Trek’s alien races you really belong to with our largest ever inter-galactic life guide (well, flowchart)
STAR TREK BEYOND HAS BEAMED INTO CINEMAS SO IT’S TIME FOR JOKERSIDE TO START ITS COUNTDOWN TO THE GREAT SPACE OPERA’S 50TH ANNIVERSARY. And what better way to start than with you dear explorer of the final frontier! Face it. We’re all cut-price Trill symbiont with a hidden Star Trek race in us – and it’s time to discover what yours is!
While five decades of Star Trek have, bar the odd incident, traversed just the stars of the Milky Way, they’ve uncovered a huge and diverse range of alien races. That variety is exactly what the show’s classic intro anticipated, but of course, those extra-terrestrials have come in guises good and bad. You’ve no doubt already worked out which member of the intrepid crew of the Enterprise you are… So, once again it’s time to lock coordinates, engage the inertial dampers and discover your inner alien!
Follow the guide to find your inner alien and then check the Xeno-descriptions below to find out who you really are… (click to enhance the view screen).
What is your inner Star Trek alien? Computer, load the Xeno-files!
Andorian (as seen in Journey to Babel, Star Trek: The Original Series)
Prone to disappear for decades at a time, in your early days you have had as much of an issue with logic as an insistence on keeping your relationships ‘complicated’… Since then you’ve proven that come crunch time, you always work hard for the greater good. In fact, nothing gets your antennae swivelling quicker. Well, except keeping your balance after a few jars of Romulan Ale.
Betazoid (As seen in Haven, Star Trek: The Next Generation)
With a phenomenal telepathic ability, you’re not only one of the galaxy’s great readers of people but also always up for a good time. Often surrounded by a range of friends and suitors who’ve all too easily fallen for your big, dark eyes. Usually, after they’ve got to know you as well.
Bolian (As seen in Caretaker, Star Trek: Voyager)
You may be emotional, volatile and ever so slightly snarky in high pressure situations, but you also know that nothing in life is insurmountable once you’ve come to terms with being blue, bald, and having a giant line running down the centre of your face. Still a space spoon is a space spoon and for the most part you’re as happy standing out as you are about extolling the virtues of your unique digestive system and rather strange eating habits.
Borg (As seen in The Best of Both Worlds, Star Trek: The Next Generation)
When you put your mind to it, you’re an almost unstoppable force; picking up tips, hints and advice wherever you find them and almost putting them to work instantly. Apart from that box vehicle you insist on hanging on to. The powerful silent type, despite the best precautions you can be prone to accidents around door handles, corners or generally anything that sticks out from walls.
Breen (As seen in Indiscretion, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)
Some think you’re a bit cold, but you don’t so much feel misunderstood as part of the wrong space franchise altogether. As difficult to read as you are, you’re comfortable in a frozen environment of your own making and, truth be told, more than happy to let your reputation do the talking while you get on with the hard graft and keep an eye out for a good opportunity.
Cardassian (As seen in The Chain of Command, Star Trek: The Next Generation)
Unpredictable and cagey, you have trouble letting go of power and that’s a trait that’s led you into some tricky unions. Conflicted by the need to impose order and resist it at the same time, if you’re ever in trouble a veneer of arrogance and puffing out your considerable shoulder pads usually works a treat.
Changeling (As seen in The Adversary, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)
There’s always some way to turn bad experiences into future opportunities. And when channeling your inner-energy, it’s a great help you have an uncanny ability to seamlessly fit into any situation. Even your reluctance to express anything beyond a blank facial expression or break your prosaic dress sense haven’t held you back. In fact, there are those who’d happily exult you to god-like status. Mr, or Mrs, Popular.
El-Aurian (As seen in Star Trek: Generations)
Shrouded in enigma, you like to keep yourself to yourself, unless there’s the sniff of a great story. Fond of giving advice, your considerable experience is undoubted, but so is your poor time-keeping. Try to work on not keeping people waiting.
Jem’Hadar (As seen in The Jem’Hadar, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)
Although always mature for your age, you still manage to rush through life veering from volatile outburst to supernatural loyalty in seconds. The opposite sex takes a lot of effort, and you really need to overcome your fear of rejection as much as your aggressive demeanour. Most of all, you should be wary of your addictive personality.
Ferengi (As seen in Little Green Men, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)
Early antagonism at the universe quickly fell away to your innate love of wealth accumulation and tight purse strings. You’re easily lulled by a quick ear massage and prone to making some terrible decisions in pursuit of your one true love. Always holding on to that precious dream of owning your own moon. Least likely of all your friends to visit the dentist.
Kazon (As seen in Initiations, Star Trek: Voyager)
Often underrated, or compared unfavourably with others, you’d do well to remember that there’s a little bit of the galaxy you can call your own even in the tough times. A social sort, you make up for any deficiency in friends and authority by clanning up with like-minded individuals to achieve your ends.
Klingon (As seen in Star Trek III: The Search for Spock)
Honour, death cries and fine drinking songs… That’s pretty much all you live for. Well, that and a spot of physical exercise (even if that gets a little repetitive). Away from the dark corridors where you spend most of your time, there’s nothing like a good story just before you curl up for the night with a Raktajino and a pet Targ on your duvet.
Ocampa (As seen in The Gift, Star Trek: Voyager)
Sweet but prone to blossom only for a short period at a time, you are an incredibly quicker learner and gifted with an excellent memory. Although you’re generally a fine reader of people, your mental skills can vary from working out a recipe one day to thinking you can travel through time the next. Sensitive of the passage of time, you seize the moment, which is just as well with so many people seeking to take advantage of you.
Orion (As seen in Bound, Star Trek: Enterprise)
You’re constantly astonishing people by proving that looks can be deceiving. Your incredible athletic skills and a sense of rhythm grant you impressive dancing skills that can get you out of most situations, but the element of surprise is your greatest gift. No mean fit considering how difficult you find it to hide (physically and temperamentally_.
Q (As seen in Encounter at Farpoint, Star Trek: The Next Generation)
Sometimes you feel bogged down by the sheer weight of eternity. Until you find some pictures of cats online or a yo-yo in the desk drawer.
Reman (As seen in Star Trek: Nemesis)
Prone to be overwhelmed when a larger and more motivated personality is nearby, you detest the limelight and keep your impressive physical and mental abilities under wraps for the most part. Try not to jump out at people from shadows, no matter how tempting it is.
Romulan (as seen in Balance of Terror, Star Trek: The Original Series)
Strong, powerful, aggressive, you’re occasionally revolted by close friends and relatives who refuse to use their emotions while you’re busy realising your latest Machiavellian schemes. Not the only fan of the shoulder pad on this list, but probably the most stylish.
Species 8472 (As seen in Prey, Star Trek: Voyager)
Occasionally uncomfortable, sometimes a bit gangly. You almost feel like you’re from another dimension altogether. It’s the general awkwardness of existence.
Tholian (as seen in The Tholian Web, Star Trek: The Original Series)
You like to keep yourself to yourself, and what’s wrong with that? If someone tries to disturb you while you’re surfing the web they know all about it (but still, you do that far too much).
Tribble (as seen in The Trouble with Tribbles, Star Trek: The Original Series)
You were born pregnant, there’s no way you can purr yourself out of that.
Vorta (As seen in The Ship, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)
Chop off one Vorta, and an identical Vorta takes its place, so they never say. You’re difficult to get rid of, made even worse by possessing all the cutesy charm of a genetically engineered bush baby. Prone to talk at length and take a disproportionately large and distracting interest in the most minor details.
Vulcan (As seen in The Forge, Star Trek: Enterprise)
Difficult to hold long conversations with, you prize logic above all else. It’s just simpler that way. You might wonder how you became so famous considering how generally uninteresting you are, but then that would be illogical.