“Didn’t know what time it was, the lights were low-oh-oh
I leaned back on my radio-oh-oh
To find out which Bow-ie-ie… I was…”
Originally published on Mirror Online
It’s here, the handy intergalactic flowchart to find out which Bowie persona you really are!
Click on the infographic to view the original article and find out your resounding Bowie characteristics below!
So, which Bowie did you end up as and what does it all mean? Here’s a handy guide…
2000s Bowie (As heard on ‘Heathen’ and’ Reality’)
“All things must pass”
Hung-over from the eclectic drum n’ bass days, you’re the older, reflective Bowie; contemplating his life work, acknowledging the past but still wonderfully “struggling for Reality!” Often ripping into classic covers of bands you inspired, no wonder you’re prone to smile on camera a bit more than you used to.
Aladdin Sane (As heard on ‘Aladdin Sane’)
“Cold fire, you’ve got everything but cold fire”
The older Ziggy? Cousin of Ziggy? Something else..? Spinning out from the Spiders of Mars’ web, A Lad Insane you may be, but also the most definitive Bowie look. Cast an eye over your people and bask in the red glow of the lightning bolts blazing across their faces.
Diamond Dog (As heard on ‘Diamond Dogs’)
“Hot tramp, I love you so!”
Finding yourself in a dystopian future with remarkable similarities to Orwell’s 1984, it may be no surprise that you’re the swansong of glam. You may look like Ziggy with all the trappings and, er, a bit more on display, but revolution is in the air. At least you’ve got a tail. Prone to belting out what is possibly the ultimate Bowie track, ‘Rebel Rebel’ you truly are the dog’s.
Earthling Bowie (As heard on ‘Earthling’)
“Sending me so far away, so far away”
After a prolonged grounding, you’re the one who went back to space. Beating Britpop at its own game with glorious McQueen stylings, you’re the most zeitgeisty Bowie, hitting the fastest crazed and basking in a new level of cool. You may not be leading the pack this time, but “Little Wonder” you’re a commercial giant.
Hunky Dory Bowie (As heard on Hunky Dory)
“Hung up on romancing”
Dreaming of sailors fighting in the dance hall while immersing yourself in the works of Aleister Crowley and Nietzsche, you’re the complicated Bowie from which the seeds of personas flourished. Dark and literate you may be, but still with the tendency to wear a good dress and fully aware that you’re “not much cop at punching other people’s dads “.
Jareth the Goblin King (As seen in Labyrinth)
“Nothing, nothing, tra-la-la”
King of Goblin…. Muppets. You’re the star of show in the cult 80s classic with lots of hair and very little trouser fabric. Any slights at your appearance should be met with a resounding play through of the film soundtrack. On a loop. “I… can’t… live… within you…”
John Blaylock (As seen in The Hunger)
Bound to have fun for longer than the average person, you may want to be a little less trusting in your love life. The tragic victim of Tony Scott’s directorial debut. Aging before our eyes in just hours, the doomed vampire was a part Bowie was destined to play during his rather eclectic acting career. The fact the last Twilight film emerges DVD at the same time as Bowie’s new album is surely no coincidence.
Major Tom (As first heard in Space Oddity)
“Tell My Wife I Love her Very much” “She knows”
The tale of the doomed astronaut that launched possibly the most influential career in music. A recurring character in the catalogue, you’re another tragic character and the first, but by no means the last Bowie persona to have a suspected hedonistic streak… Presumed lost in 1969 in the hype of the moon landings frenzy, your demise may have been greatly exaggerated in ‘Ashes to Ashes’ 11 years later or when popping up later to say ‘Hello Spaceboy’. You can never be sure. You’re the oldest and most lasting Bowie with a title track still ripe for influence and Conchord parody in equal measure.
New Romantic Bowie (As first heard on ‘Scary monsters (And Super Creeps)’)
“I know when to go out and when to stay in. Get things done”
You’re the most successful Bowie, reaching huge heights of success and shrugging off the increased criticism. Whether waxing on about red shoes, Blue Jean or Modern Love in general you can lead from the front while your former child fans, including Culture Club, Duran Duran and countless others, nip at your lime suit trousers. Watch out for tour managers bearing glass spiders…
Nikolas Tesla (As seen in The Prestige)
“Nothing is impossible”
One of the most prominent roles of the Bowie-lite past decade. Who better than this legendary inventor? You’re the Bowie who sports a moustache that can only be described as ‘fine’, just don’t expect anyone to leave you their cat to look after. A quiet man of reason you may be but also acutely aware of the phenomenal power you can harness – unlikely to stay put in one place for long.
Thin White Duke (as heard on Station to Station)
“The European Canon is here”
Terrestrial or not, you’re the surely the dark character made flesh from the film ‘The Man Who Fell to Earth’. With an alien dissociation from humanity, you’re really not expected to put recyclable rubbish out on the right day. Dark, menacing and all together rather unpleasant as you wander from Station to Station. Even with one thin white foot touching the ground, your paranoid mind is caught between everything from kabbalah to Norse mythology despite the dawning ‘Golden Years’.
Tin Machine Bowie (As heard on Tin Machine I and Tin Machine II)
“Tin Machine, Tin Machine, take me anywhere”
Every once in a while, a man just needs to be part of a band. You can’t be a solo singing sensation forever, right? You are the democratic Bowie, lead singer and co-writer with in the four-piece combo Tin Machine. The glam of The Spider from Mars is far behind you as you belt out hard rock anthems. The Bowie least likely to invite critics around for afternoon tea.
Ziggy Stardust (As heard on Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars)
“Wham, bam, thank you Ma’am”
What is there to say about the biggest and best Bowie persona – the alien who came to Earth for rock music and fun (though not necessarily in that order)? Tune-meister, fashionista and Top of the Pops ground-breaker all the way from your ‘Starman’ to your ‘Queen Bitch’ – you are a legend. One word of warning though: you’re very likely to take it” all too far”.
Read more Bowie on Jokerside:
The Forgotten Trilogy
The Next Day
The worst news
The Golden Years